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Six funny readings for your wedding ceremony

If you are looking for a way to involve a family member or other guest in your wedding ceremony, a reading is a really easy way to do so. If you are thinking “BORING” then think again!

Not all readings have to be traditional, biblical or heavy literature. There are some fun readings that work just fine and will bring a touch of light heartedness to

keep your guests entertained rather than bored!

Here’s my favourite Six:

Number One: Never mind advice for marriage – these tips will get you through almost anything in life!

All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum

“All of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.

These are the things I learned…

Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Give them to someone who feels sad. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day. Take a nap every afternoon. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”

Number Two: This one is lighthearted, but actually there’s a lot of truth to it! Marriage isn’t always rosie, you have to be able to take the rough with the smooth!

Marriage by Anon

Marriage is about giving and taking And forging and forsaking Kissing and loving and pushing and shoving Caring and Sharing and screaming and swearing

About being together whatever the weather About being driven to the end of your tether About Sweetness and kindness And wisdom and blindness

It's about being strong when you're feeling quite weak It's about saying nothing when you're dying to speak It's about being wrong when you know you are right It's about giving in, before there's a fight It's about you two living as cheaply as one (you can give us a call if you know how that's done!)

Never heeding advice that was always well meant Never counting the cost until it's all spent And for you two today it's about to begin And for all that the two of you had to put in Some days filled with joy, and some days with sadness Too late you'll discover that marriage is madness.

Number Three: For the Disney fan, this has to be a must!!

What's Mickey Without Minnie

What's Mickey without Minnie,

Or Piglet without Pooh,

What's Donald without Daisy?

That's me without you.

When Ariel Doesn't sing,

and Pooh hates honey,

when Tigger stops bouncing,

and Goofy isn't funny.

When Peter Pan can't fly,

and Simba never roars,

when Alice no longer fits

through small doors.

When Dumbo's ears are small,

and happily ever after isn't true,

even then, I won't stop loving you.

Number Four: Bob Marley was a very wise man! I like the sentiment behind this one because I’m the first to say in that none of us are perfect, but there is someone out there that is perfect for you!

He’s no perfect – Bob Marley

He’s not perfect.

You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect.

But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can.

He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break.

Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give.

Don’t analyze.

Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there.

Love hard when there is love to be had.

Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.

Number Five: Bonus points for you if you read this in a West Country accent, like Pam Ayres!

Yes I’ll Marry you my Dear by Pam Ayres

“Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,

And here’s the reason why;

So I can push you out of bed

When the baby starts to cry,

And if we hear a knocking

And it’s creepy and it’s late,

I hand you the torch you see,

And you investigate.

Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,

You may not apprehend it,

But when the tumble-drier goes

It’s you that has to mend it,

You have to face the neighbour

Should our labrador attack him,

And if a drunkard fondles me

It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you,

You’re virile and you’re lean,

My house is like a pigsty

You can help to keep it clean.

That sexy little dinner

Which you served by candlelight,

As I do chipolatas,

You can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill and put up curtain track,

And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,

I do see great advantages,

But none of them for you,

And so before you see the light,

I do, I do, I do.”

Number Six: OK, OK, I admit it – this piece was going to be called “Five funny readings for a Wedding Ceremony”, but then I remembered this one and it had to have an appearance! I am seriously waiting for the biggest F.R.I.E.N.D.S fans to book me so that we can have some fun with this one!

Joey (From Friends):

We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that (Monica) and (Chandler) share

and the love that they give and have, is shared and received.

And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving,

we too can share and love and have... and receive.

One last note to mention about readings. If there’s the odd line that doesn’t really fit or resonate with you, you are allowed to use some poetic license and change up the odd word, or the “she’” to “he”. Just always, always give credit to the author by announcing the title of the piece and their name. Also, if you do make any slight adaptations, mention that you have adapted it to suit your needs.

Kelly Hawes Celebrant

07827 927947

Photo Credits: Lilylane Photography (Top) and John Woodward Photography

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